He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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