Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
