Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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