tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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