I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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