I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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