So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
