I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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