does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
