I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He shit in the fireplace
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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