I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
