I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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