and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
