so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
