So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
