i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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