So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
