I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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