that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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