...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
