I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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