So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
