I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
