dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
