I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize