Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
