On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
