I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
