you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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