I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
