if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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