I will die if light touches me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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