never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
