The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
