okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
