ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize