I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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