I am in a vortex of obligation.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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