She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
