My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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