I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
