Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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