Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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