he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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