i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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