Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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