I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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