Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
