she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
