The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
