You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love you. Go after that dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
