Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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