they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There's always time for handjobs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
