when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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