doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
