I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
