Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
