I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
