Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
